


Bar Talk

by ErykahChanel



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Developing Friendships, Drunk Alec Lightwood, Gen, Late Night Conversations, Post Episode S03E08 A Heart of Darkness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-13 14:16:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14750451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErykahChanel/pseuds/ErykahChanel
Summary: Hours after Lilith takes Jace, Alec goes to the bar to be alone with his thoughts, and ends up alone with Simon instead.





	Bar Talk

**Author's Note:**

> A fun little interlude I wrote after 3x08 aired. Enjoy!

If you’d asked Alec why he was spending what remained of his night at Hunter’s Moon, he wouldn’t have been able to tell you. He wasn’t much of a drinker; alcohol led to impaired judgement and questionable decisions. Still, the bitter taste of it was all he craved.

He was relieved when the bartender made his way over to where he sat, and refilled his glass with the dark liquid he was beginning to grow accustomed to. Never in a million years did anyone expect to see the head of the New York Institute sitting at a bar, downing glasses of bourbon, but no one said anything about it. At least, not to his face, which was fixed in a permanent frown.

Every time he blinked, a new image would appear behind his eyelids, forcing him to relive the day’s events all over again.

Jace, completely broken, crying and surrounded by visions of a dead Clary, as he’d been forced to kill her repeatedly, no matter how hard he tried to prevent it.

Jace, handing Alec a dagger and begging him to do the only thing he thought would save him - the one thing Alec would never do.

Jace, wide eyed and vulnerable, pleading for Alec not to let Lilith take him again.

_I won’t, I promise._

Alec took another sip, and that time, he welcomed the burn. Anything was better than the dull ache in his chest that nestled deeper and deeper as the clock ticked on. Better than the way his eyes had stung as he sat staring at the chains on the floor where Jace had been, torn between wanting to burst into tears, or a fit of rage.

“Alec?” His head turned to see Simon approaching him. “What are you doing here?”

“Same as everyone else that goes to bars,” Alec finished what he assumed was his third glass. “I’m drinking.”

“I see that,” Simon said, eyes wide. He didn’t know Alec inside and out, but he knew enough to infer that this wasn’t normal behavior.

“I just thought that you’d be busy,” He sat next to him, drumming his fingers against his knees. “With Jace and all. How’s that going, by the way? Were you guys able to-”

Alec laughed, and it was far from humorous.

“Going,” He repeated. “Excellent choice of words. Going, going, gone.” The bartender was coming back, and Alec made a mental note to tip him.

“Gone?” Simon frowned. “What do you mean?”

“He’s gone.  _Again_.” Alec looked over at him. “Lilith has him.”

“Are you serious?” Simon hopped up. “How did that even happen? I thought Magnus was gonna-”

“Stop talking.” Alec put his hand up. “We all thought things, and you know what? Some other things happened instead.” He waved his hand towards the stool.

“Might as well sit down, and have a drink.” Simon looked anxious, then again, he always looked like that. He nodded and sat back down, but didn’t order anything.

They sat without speaking for a while, and the silence was neither comforting nor awkward. Alec ran his finger around the rim of his glass as he started down at it with bleary eyes, once again wishing the pain would go away.

Alec was no stranger to pain. He’d felt many different versions of it over the course of his life, but that did nothing to soften the blows. This pain was worse; rough and jagged around the edges, cutting him with every breath. It was the pain of coming within inches of success, and failing; the pain of a broken promise. He knew Jace wouldn’t hold it against him - what happened wasn’t his fault - but it wouldn’t change how he felt. Jace was under the impression that Lilith was going to make him do something worse when she got her hands on him again. Things worse than what had him wiling to beg to be killed. 

He exhaled sharply and shook his head, remembering Simon was still sitting there.

“Is Maia not working tonight?”

“No,” Simon tensed. “She’s…taking some time off.”

“Oh,” Alec blinked. “And what are you doing? Where’s Luke?”

“I don’t know,” Simon bounced his knee. “He said he’d call if he heard anything about Clary, but that was hours ago. I’m worried.” Clary.

_Clary, Clary, Clary._

“Damn it,” Alec groaned, rubbing his eyes. “She’s probably gone on trial by now, which means the Clave knows everything, which means I can kiss my position at the Institute goodbye, along with my runes.”

Simon only stared at him, half confused, half in awe. Alec was always so level headed, so calm and collected, yet here he was, sulking shamelessly. The whole thing was strange indeed, because he’d said the words with a bitter kind of sadness; the kind that’s leftover from a certain type of anger that you only feel when you know you’ve failed at whatever it is you’ve set out to do.

“We don’t know that,” Simon shook his head, though he wasn’t sure if he’d said it to reassure himself, or Alec. “We just have to wait to hear from Luke.”

Things were quiet again, and Alec found himself loathing Simon more and more by the second. The rational part of his brain knew it was the result of one too many drinks churning his thoughts, but the irrational part didn’t care. It wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t fair that Simon had someone to call to ask about his best friend. It wasn’t fair that he knew exactly where she was at the moment. It wasn’t fair that Clary was still Clary, and that she hadn’t been forced to do anything awful. It wasn’t fair that breaking her out of the guard would be a piece of cake compared to freeing Jace from the clutches of a greater demon. 

It wasn’t fair at all.

“Hey, uh, can I say something?” Simon scratched his head.

“You just did,” Alec rolled his eyes. “Go on.” Simon looked at him for a long time before speaking again.

“Thank you for not turning Clary in,” He said. “I know you hate her and everything, and you could’ve been the one to have her locked up, but you didn’t, so thank you.”

“Hate her?” Alec was truly laughing then. He laughed at the irony of it all, and how meaningless it was in light of recent events.

“I’ve never hated her,” He said, running a hand through his hair. “I envied her. Sometimes, I still do, but I’ve never hated her.”

“Envy?” Simon lowered his voice. “Was it because of Jace?” Alec glared at him, but softened his gaze as he thought of an answer.

“No,” He said. “She’s always had a…maddening way of getting what she wants, and even when things go wrong, she always makes them work in her favor somehow. I wanted to be like that.”

“You’re not so bad,” Simon bumped his shoulder. “I was in the front row at your wedding. Trust me, you know how to get what you want.”

“That’s not what I meant,” He sighed. “I spent so much time trying to follow all the rules, and do what was asked of me. My life was far from perfect, but it was…structured. I had structure, routines, and discipline. Then, this redhead and her obnoxious friend show up and burn everything to hell.”

“I’m gonna act like I didn’t hear that last part.” Simon stifled a laugh.

“She’s not a bad person,” Alec went on. “She’s good, and funny sometimes. She loves my parabatai, and she told me to fix him, and I promised  _him_ I’d fix him, and now? Now I’ve failed them both.” He leaned forward with his head in his hands, forcing himself to stay in one piece.

Alec didn’t get to cry, or scream, or fall apart, because that’s not what he did. He was analytical; compulsive, even. He assessed situations, looked for solutions, and sprang into action. He wasn’t the kind of man to sit around and wail while the sky was falling, or his earth was crumbling, or his heart was shattering under the constant pressures of life.

“You didn’t fail,” Simon said softly. “You never fail.”

“Don’t patronize me.”

“I wasn’t, I’m just saying,” He paused. “You’re not a failure. You may not do everything right the first time, but who does? You’re a smart guy, and you’re always willing to go the extra mile for the people you care about.” There was truth in Simon’s words, but they fell on deaf ears.

Though Alec was just thinking about not being one to wail that the sky was falling, he wished that he was, because at least then, he’d be able to wail in peace.

“Jace is out there somewhere,” Alec whispered. “And I don’t know what to do. If the Clave knows what Clary did, she could lose her runes, or worse.”

“And I’ve got a mark on my face that blasts demons into salt, and breaks the bones of anyone that tries to hurt me,” Simon shrugged. “We’ve all got problems, Alec.” Alec wanted to argue the point. 

_We’ve all got problems, but I could’ve done something about mine._

He kept staring at his glass, which was now empty. Alcohol was funny that way. You could drink more and more of it, never realizing how much you’ve had until you found yourself looking at an empty bottle or glass. Alec wasn’t sure how much he’d had, but he knew it was enough. 

All he wanted was to find Jace and save him - for real this time. Knowing he was out there with Lilith, held prisoner in his own mind, trapped in a state of perpetual suffering while she used him like a puppet; it was too much, and it was making Alec’s head spin. He needed to move. 

Fast. 

He stood up hastily, shoving a hand into his pocket before sliding a few bills across the bar. 

“Whoa,” Simon caught his arm. “That’s like, a hundred bucks. I know you don’t get out much, but  _no drink_ is that good.” The warmth spreading through Alec’s body said otherwise, but he only shrugged, and swatted Simon’s hands away. 

“So? He can keep the change. I have to go.” 

“Where are you going?” Simon followed him outside, much to his annoyance. Even with enhanced senses, he couldn’t seem to take a hint, and leave Alec alone. “I can drive you if you want.” 

“I don’t want that,” Alec shook his head, swaying near a street sign. “I want my boyfriend.” 

“Oh, even better,” Simon grinned. “Should I call him?” 

“No!” Alec stressed. “I don’t want him seeing me…like this. He’ll feel awful.” 

“Can you blame him?” Simon asked. “You’re upset, and you look like someone kicked your puppy. To tell you the truth,  _I_ feel pretty bad right now.” 

“You don’t get it,” Alec sighed and looked up at the stars, and decided that he envied them too, because they continued to twinkle, as if everything was fine. “He sat with me for a long time, apologizing, trying to get me to say something, and I just left.” 

That, he thought, was a habit he intended to break before it could take root. Walking away wasn’t a good thing. Walking away was cowardly, and Alec didn’t want to be a coward. He’d wanted to stay right where he was, curl up with Magnus, and let himself breathe for a minute or two. He’d wanted to pretend that for one second, everything was alright. 

He hated the fact that he couldn’t. 

“Okay, and?” Simon threw his hands up. “So go back. You go back, and tell him you were clearing your head.” Alec’s head was anything but clear, but he kept his mouth shut. 

“Listen, you had a crazy day, and I’m sure he did too. We all did,” He gave Alec a pointed look. “Your best friend is missing- well, I guess you could say he’s been kidnapped, and my best friend is in the slammer because she tried to buy you guys some time to get back here. The actual queen of hell is running around, and there’s nothing we can do about it.” 

“Is there a point to this, or are you trying to get me to drink again?” Alec hadn’t meant to sound rude, he was just tired. Tired, agitated, and a little drunk. 

_The holy trinity._

“The point is, you don’t have to say anything,” Simon shrugged. “Maybe all you had to do was shut up, get out, have a drink, then get back to doing what you do best. Taking care of things.” He’d said it with hints of admiration in his tone, making Alec stare at him blankly. 

“Do you want a ride, or do I need to call a cab? I can’t let you walk anywhere like this.” Alec continued to stare, nodding to himself when he began to see it. 

The reason why Clary was so intent on keeping him by her side. The reason Isabelle seemed so taken with him. The reason Magnus was fond of him. The reason Jace - of  _all_ people - had wanted to help him at one point. 

Simon was a good person. 

It didn’t matter that he was a vampire, and Alec was a Shadowhunter, and their worlds were far more complicated than anything that could be fixed with a few drinks and a quick chat at the bar. It didn’t matter that Alec hadn’t been friendly in ways that would warrant what was essentially a pep talk from Simon. It didn’t matter that Alec still found him slightly annoying. 

Simon had come in and kept him from diving headfirst into a pool of guilt, and for that, Alec was thankful. 

“You can give me a ride.” Alec said finally.

“Let’s go!” Simon pointed in the opposite direction. “I’m parked over here. I just got a new stereo system, by the way. I hope you like Tame Impala.” 

“Impala?” Alec made a face. “I could’ve sworn you drove a van.” Simon looked up at him and shook his head. 

“Let’s get you home.” 


End file.
